Ask Jewell

Q. I am 27 and my husband is 25. We've been together 4 years and married 3 years. He was involved with people who made bad choices (B/M). I have 4 children from ages 14-2 years of age and am currently carrying one (the last three are his). Ok my thing is he has a very hot temper although he has never hit me. When he swears at me and yells at the kids it hurts so much because I give every thing a husband needs and wants in a marriage. But all I get is the house work and the kids. If we get into an argument he hangs out with his crew that is unmarried, drinks, smokes and cheats. Some nights when he is out he dosen't return home until 3 or 5 a.m. He also locks his passwords on the computer and cell phone, but he has all access to my personal stuff. I hide nothing from him.

A. I'm not sure what your question is; however, I am not a counselor or pyschiarist. I am a coach which means that I encourage and help those who want there marriage. Let me state that I understand firsthand what you are experiencing. However, I made up in my mind that I can't react on how he is acting. I made up in my mind that I wanted to grow spiritually and he was not going to get me to focus on him, I wanted to focus on God. I sowed love and even when he was acting like a fool, I sowed love. Guess what, I am starting to see the fruit of my labor. My husband no longer yells, he doesn't hang out with those he shouldn't and he is going to church faithfully. Did this take time? Absolutely. But if you want to see a change, BE THAT CHANGE. Being a wife and a mother is not a chore, it is an honor don't look at it negatively. Pursue God as to what your purpose is and He will tell you. Until then just be a great wife, mother, etc...