Finding out your spouse has cheated on you can be devastating. After the affair has been discovered your emotions may run the gamut from furious to depressed. Your first reaction may be that the marriage is over, that there is no way you can ever feel the same way about your partner and don't even want to try. It might help to know that many couples have recovered from adultery and even say that their marriages are actually stronger after the affair.

That doesn't mean that cheating on your spouse is a good way to strengthen your marriage. It just means that by doing the hard work to save their marriage after the affair, these couples wound up with better relationships than they had to start with.

That's right, saving your marriage after the affair will take some hard work. And there are no guarantees. The truth is that not every marriage will survive infidelity, but there are some things you can do to give your relationship a fighting chance.

First, as much as possible, keep the news of the affair private. The more people who know, the harder it will be for both of you to put this behind you. Even if you don't think this is a possibility right now, you may change your mind. You can always tell the whole world later if you want to, but you can never "untell" them.

Next, you need to set up some ground rules for continuing the relationship. It will take some time to rebuild trust in the relationship after the affair. Agreeing on some boundaries that won't be crossed can help the process along.

It is important for the spouse who was unfaithful to make a real effort to make sure that they don't put themselves in situations that could lead to more infidelity. This may create some inconvenience at times but not paying close attention to this is a recipe for disaster.

Also, the partner who cheated needs to make an extra effort to behave in such a way that there is no doubt about where they are and what they are doing at all times. Many couples who are recovering from infidelity have created joint email accounts and share voicemail passwords after the affair so there would be no questions about who they are contacting.

Finally, after you've decided to try to save your marriage and agreed on the ground rules you need to go forward. It will only sabotage your efforts to continue to rehash the situation over and over. As hard as it may be to forget the betrayal, the only way your marriage will have a chance of recovery is to make the decision to forgive and then act like that is true.

None of this advice will be easy to follow. You may want to tell the world what a no-good, cheating so and so your spouse is. No one likes to feel like all of their activities are under a microscope. It can be really hard to not express your hurt and anger every time something reminds you of the infidelity. Even after all the effort there is no guarantee of success, but if you follow these guidelines you will have a good start on learning how to stay married after the affair.

If you're still not sure about what you need to do to save your marriage, you can learn more about coping with infidelity and how to save your relationship at: After the Affair. Your marriage is worth saving, so don't give up. Go to http://www.YouCanStayMarried.com for help.

Article Source: EzineArticles.com