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Marriage Articles Ultimate Lesson of Forgiveness Part II
Marriage Articles Ultimate Lesson of Forgiveness Part II
Ultimate Lesson of Forgiveness Part II
Saturday, 01 September 2007 08:48 | 
Written by Kaye Ward |
Hope in Hopeless Situations
Our marriage appeared hopeless. How could we get through this? How could I be with a man who was in love with another woman? Thankfully, we didn�t yet have children, but even so, the situation seemed impossible. I can�t begin to explain the emotions�betrayal, anger, hurt, confusion, despair. But there was also hope because God says in Romans 8:28 that all things work together for good for those who love God and are called according to His purpose. That includes affairs.
The first positive thing that happened was that my husband, after he�d gone to all whom he had offended or hurt, was finally able to come back to his loving Savior. He wasn�t hiding anymore. He was okay if it was just him and God for the rest of his life. He was lost, but now he�d been found. We did end up leaving our church during this time, but God placed us in a new body of believers where He wanted us to be fed.
No More Playing Church
The fact that my husband was closer to God than ever helped tremendously. That is the first thing that I suggest for anyone suffering after an affair. You both must earnestly seek after God. No more �playing church.� You must commit to Him totally. God alone can bring you the healing you need. It will be hard, but it can be done.
Today, just as God promised, my marriage is completely restored. I trust my husband fully. I love him dearly. I am even more convinced that he is the one I was destined to marry. God had a purpose for our marriage from the beginning, and so did the devil. But what the devil meant for harm, God meant to bring about good.
The next positive thing to result was that I learned to forgive�really forgive. Not only did I have anger towards my husband, but I was furious with the other woman. I loved blaming her. My anger kept me from being hurt again, or so I thought. I had to forgive. Not just my husband, but her, too.
Forgiveness, I�ve heard preached, is canceling the debt, saying that the person owes me nothing. This is very hard to do. You must make that first step because God commands us to. Then, we must ask God to take care of the feelings that remain. I wanted desperately to lay most of the blame on her. After all, she had initiated it. I was now wrestling with the command to �love your enemies,� because I now had one.
Eventually, I was able to cancel her debt. We cannot pick and choose who we will forgive. If we really love God, we will forgive. God�s spirit lives within us. It is possible. Little by little, God began to deal with the issues of my broken heart.
Learning to Forgive
A marriage must have trust, and that had been broken. How can it be repaired?
Let me tell you a little bit about the process I used. When you start to notice that you become angry or hurt every time you see a certain person or some situation arises, immediately take it to God. Each time, I asked God to take me back to the first time I felt this way. He did, and I couldn�t believe sometimes how far back we would have to go.
Next, I would ask God to reveal the lie to me. This is the most intensely painful part. Here is where the devil whispers, �You are not good enough.� �Nobody loves you.� Or, �It�s all your fault.� When these lies take root, things begin to come out of you because of your hurt.
Once the lies are revealed, ask God to reveal the truth. This is the most amazing part! God�s truth is healing and life. The truth He reveals will be different for each person, but it will do wonderful things for you. The devil will want you to hold on to your hurt. He will tell you it is protecting you. But this is part of the lie.
Freeing yourself from these lies is excruciating, but it is worth it. John 8:32 says, �Then you will know the truth and the truth will set you free.� Again, this process takes time, but the Lord will make you well. The more you go to God to examine the deep scars of your heart, the more healing you will have. Will you choose to let Him help you?
Adultery is a horrible thing. It causes deep and painful scars, but God is bigger than the tricks of the devil. Allow Him to bring healing to your heart and marriage so that you, too, can have a testimony to share with others of the greatness of your God�that He reconciles and heals.
With God, all things are possible. My marriage is living proof.
Our marriage appeared hopeless. How could we get through this? How could I be with a man who was in love with another woman? Thankfully, we didn�t yet have children, but even so, the situation seemed impossible. I can�t begin to explain the emotions�betrayal, anger, hurt, confusion, despair. But there was also hope because God says in Romans 8:28 that all things work together for good for those who love God and are called according to His purpose. That includes affairs.
The first positive thing that happened was that my husband, after he�d gone to all whom he had offended or hurt, was finally able to come back to his loving Savior. He wasn�t hiding anymore. He was okay if it was just him and God for the rest of his life. He was lost, but now he�d been found. We did end up leaving our church during this time, but God placed us in a new body of believers where He wanted us to be fed.
No More Playing Church
The fact that my husband was closer to God than ever helped tremendously. That is the first thing that I suggest for anyone suffering after an affair. You both must earnestly seek after God. No more �playing church.� You must commit to Him totally. God alone can bring you the healing you need. It will be hard, but it can be done.
Today, just as God promised, my marriage is completely restored. I trust my husband fully. I love him dearly. I am even more convinced that he is the one I was destined to marry. God had a purpose for our marriage from the beginning, and so did the devil. But what the devil meant for harm, God meant to bring about good.
The next positive thing to result was that I learned to forgive�really forgive. Not only did I have anger towards my husband, but I was furious with the other woman. I loved blaming her. My anger kept me from being hurt again, or so I thought. I had to forgive. Not just my husband, but her, too.
Forgiveness, I�ve heard preached, is canceling the debt, saying that the person owes me nothing. This is very hard to do. You must make that first step because God commands us to. Then, we must ask God to take care of the feelings that remain. I wanted desperately to lay most of the blame on her. After all, she had initiated it. I was now wrestling with the command to �love your enemies,� because I now had one.
Eventually, I was able to cancel her debt. We cannot pick and choose who we will forgive. If we really love God, we will forgive. God�s spirit lives within us. It is possible. Little by little, God began to deal with the issues of my broken heart.
Learning to Forgive
A marriage must have trust, and that had been broken. How can it be repaired?
Let me tell you a little bit about the process I used. When you start to notice that you become angry or hurt every time you see a certain person or some situation arises, immediately take it to God. Each time, I asked God to take me back to the first time I felt this way. He did, and I couldn�t believe sometimes how far back we would have to go.
Next, I would ask God to reveal the lie to me. This is the most intensely painful part. Here is where the devil whispers, �You are not good enough.� �Nobody loves you.� Or, �It�s all your fault.� When these lies take root, things begin to come out of you because of your hurt.
Once the lies are revealed, ask God to reveal the truth. This is the most amazing part! God�s truth is healing and life. The truth He reveals will be different for each person, but it will do wonderful things for you. The devil will want you to hold on to your hurt. He will tell you it is protecting you. But this is part of the lie.
Freeing yourself from these lies is excruciating, but it is worth it. John 8:32 says, �Then you will know the truth and the truth will set you free.� Again, this process takes time, but the Lord will make you well. The more you go to God to examine the deep scars of your heart, the more healing you will have. Will you choose to let Him help you?
Adultery is a horrible thing. It causes deep and painful scars, but God is bigger than the tricks of the devil. Allow Him to bring healing to your heart and marriage so that you, too, can have a testimony to share with others of the greatness of your God�that He reconciles and heals.
With God, all things are possible. My marriage is living proof.
