Marriage and Money: How to Face Financial Struggles with Your Spouse

When husband and wife are joined together in marriage, a major change takes place. Two independent individuals join their lives to become one (Mark 10:6-9). All aspects of the two lives are merged: families, credit, bills, career goals, and yes, even finances. In fact, even couples who keep separate checking accounts and try to lead individual financial lives will find themselves dealing with challenges when it comes to money.

"You bought what???"

"Why didn't you pay that bill?"

"My money vs your money?"

These questions illustrate the tension that comes with typical financial discussions between husband and wife. There's something about budget, debt, credit, and bill-related conversations that spark accusations and defensiveness like no other. How can you improve your financial condition when even having a discussion with your spouse brings up such negative emotions?

I believe being in agreement about finances may be one of the most vital aspects to achieving financial harmony in your marriage. It is also one of the most challenging aspects of marriage, but with a conscious effort it is possible to create a solid foundation for good communication, the kind that makes even the most difficult financial discussions possible and productive.

Amos 3:3 states, "Can two walk together, unless they agree to?" A couple must be in agreement on how to handle their finances together. It took Lewis and I years of fighting about finances because I wanted to spend. But it also took him years to get on board regarding tithing and giving. Now we are in agreement about saving, spending, tithing, giving, etc. and during these economic hardships, we are doing very well. Praise God! However, there is still room for improvement.

Because so many emotions and personal desires are tied up in the issue of finances, it is no surprise that it can be a source of division between two people. However, by clinging to God and making the commitment to one another to face the financial issues together, you can prevent damage to your relationship.

Pray together and ask God to give you His perspective regarding your finances. Truly allow your minds to be shaped by what His word states. Instead of using a stimulus check to buy, maybe it should be used to save or to reduce debt. If there was ever a time that the wealth of the wicked could be transferred to the righteous, it was during this economic time. For example, people are selling stuff cheap to get out of debt and small businesses are closing up shop.

The reality is if Christians were in a better financial state, we could have been buying up business, houses, etc. I believe some of us missed that boat. But guess what? It will come around again, so we can be ready next time! Reduce your debt, keep your credit in good standing, and keep cash on hand so that when an opportunity presents itself, you can go for it.

I tell everyone that God gives us, his sons and daughters, a plan on what to do concerning good times and during financial hardships. Check out Genesis 41:33-36:

Therefore, Pharaoh should find an intelligent and wise man and put him in charge of the entire land of Egypt. Then Pharaoh should appoint supervisors over the land and let them collect one-fifth of all the crops during the seven good years. Have them gather all the food produced in the good years that are just ahead and bring it to Pharaoh's storehouses. Store it away, and guard it so there will be food in the cities. That way there will be enough to eat when the seven years of famine come to the land of Egypt. Otherwise this famine will destroy the land (NLT).

It may take us some time to be able to save 20%, but start today with every paycheck from this point on or begin at 5% while you are reducing debt. (You can finish reading Genesis 41-42 to get additional information.)

Much of the conflict surrounding financial discussions are a result of husband and wife having different ideas about money. However, when the two can come together and strive to view it the way God does, they find themselves agreeing and working together to meet financial goals and honoring God with their financial choices.

Keep in mind, God is with you even during the most difficult financial situations. Jeremiah 17:7-8 remind us: "Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, and whose hope is the Lord. For he shall be like a tree planted by the waters, which spreads out its roots by the river, and will not fear when heat comes; but its leaf will be green, and will not be anxious in the year of drought, nor will cease from yielding fruit."

As economic times look bleak and people are panicking all around us, we can take hope in God's promises. Trust Him with your marriage and your finances and be like the tree planted by the waters, not fearing the drought in the world around us.

©2009 by Jewell R. Powell, The Marriage Coach and author of Marriage 101: Building a Life Together by Faith. Visit us at www.marriage101.us>www.marriage101.us

Achieving Harmony with Marriage and Finances

As married couples we face very common financial struggles. While each relationship is different, the challenges share similar themes: disagreements over purchases, inability to stick to budgets, different perspectives on credit and debt. You are not alone if the thought of a financial discussion with your spouse brings on increased heart rate or cold sweats!

Let's face it; talking about money is not fun for any couple, but when financial times are tough the conversations become even tougher. How can you keep the communication open and effective so that you can achieve harmony when it comes to finances in your marital relationship?

Below are some tips and strategies to help you along as you strive to increase the peace when it comes to the topic of money in your marriage:

Put God at the center of your marriage and your finances by praying together about important financial decisions, tithing and giving, as well as budgeting. When you go to God for wisdom in these areas, your individual relationships with God will be strengthened and so, too, will your marriage. (James 1:5)

• Work together with one mind and purpose when it comes to money. (Philippians 2:2) It's so easy in this world to be consumed with earthly treasures, so we have to make a strong effort to fill our minds with the truth of God's word. There are over 800 scriptures about money in the Bible. Read them and put them to memory to help you cling to God's words. Here are a few great ones to get you started: Proverbs 13:22, Philippians 4:19, Matthew 6:24, Psalms 37:21, Deuteronomy 14:22 and 18:18.
• Write the plan. Keep each other accountable for spending. Secret spending is never a good thing. Work together to create a budget and then respectfully hold each other accountable. Have monthly meetings. If the budget needs an adjustment, work on it together. If one spouse is struggling with poor spending habits, he or she should feel safe enough to share that with the other, so they can pray together and encourage each other. (Habakkuk 2:2)
• Make a pact to discuss all purchases and/or loans to family members over a certain pre-determined dollar amount, so that you can prevent future arguments/problems (Amos 3:3).
• When a problem or tension regarding finances pops up always talk openly about the issue and begin each conversation with prayer. This helps you to put the issue in the right perspective and prevents the "sweeping it under the rug" scenario that can cause bitterness in the relationship. God says he will heal our land if we humble ourselves to pray (2nd Chronicles 7:14)

Even dire financial situations have the potential to strengthen a marriage when handled in the right way, God's way. Struggles with finances do not have to equal marital struggles. Cling to God and each other during tough economic times and make a commitment to honor each other and honor God with your decisions, and you will find that you and your spouse are closer than ever.

In your journey to enriching your marriage and keeping your finances on track, consider some of these excellent resources:

• Debt-Proof Your Marriage by Mary Hunt
• Rich Dad, Poor Dad by Robert Kiyosaki
• Money in Marriage Workbook by Larry Burkett
• More Than Enough: Proven Keys to Strengthening Your Family and Building Financial Peace by Dave Ramsey
• Cheapskate Monthly—a website from author Mary Hunt offering resources on debt management, credit, budgeting and Bible-based financial advice.

©Jewell R. Powell, The Marriage Coach and author of Marriage 101: Building a Life Together by Faith. Visit us at www.marriage101.us