How to Claim True Love in a Confused World

What is true love? You don't have to look too far or too deep to understand our culture's view of love. It is plastered all over billboards and Hollywood movie screens and in the latest reality dating show. The message is that love is sexy, beautiful, expensive, always exciting and easily transferred to the latest, greatest object of desire.

As we celebrate Valentine's Day, the overriding message about love is "buy this to show someone you care." In a way, commercialism begins to dictate the expression of love and people begin to feel unloved when they don't receive costly gifts, or people feel like they are inadequately showing love if they can't afford the big gifts.

With all of these messages coming at us from different directions it is easy to allow our view of love to become clouded. In fact, it may take some work to get our minds focused on the true meaning of love. The good news is that there is a tool that can keep you on the right path; there's no better place to get the lowdown on love than the Bible.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 offers perhaps the most well-known scripture about love. It is often read at weddings, and, unfortunately, it is easy to get used to the words and just let them go in one ear and out the other. However, for the purpose of really grasping the meaning of true love, it is important to take a close look at the powerful words in these verses:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. (NIV)

It's easy to see the contrast of what the Bible describes as love and what our society tells us about love. The above verses paint love as being selfless rather than self-centered. Whereas, our society focuses on a "what's in it for me" mentality, the Bible defines love as "keeping no record of wrongs."

Nearly every day it seems we hear of marriages in crisis. A common complaint of both husbands and wives is that they aren't getting their needs met. When we take a close look at what the Bible has to say about love, it seems that the whole idea is to put the other person first, a.k.a. "not self-seeking."
Imagine what would happen to marriages in crisis if each spouse would begin to put the other person's needs first! Or even if only one spouse was on board to live out the Biblical description of love, being unselfish and serving the other person-how would that affect the other spouse's attitudes and behaviors? Certainly, there would be a shift in the dynamics and possibly the ultimate course of the relationship.

May we be people who refuse to buy into the shallow philosophies of love promoted in our society through the media and popular culture. Instead, we can purposefully choose to cling to the true meaning of love found in the Bible, allowing it to influence the way we treat others, including our spouses.

©2009 Jewell R. Powell is a marriage coach, entrepreneur, inspirational teacher, and author with a heart and passion for helping couples have great marriages and helping women live purposeful lives. For more information about the author, visit www.marriage101.us

Let Your Actions Speak Love

While saying the words "I love you" is not so difficult to do, acting out love-the kind of love described in the Bible-can be more of a challenge; it also has the potential to mean much more to your spouse or loved one. Words that are not followed up with the appropriate attitudes and behaviors can leave the recipient feeling a bit empty. Instead of just giving lip-service, it makes sense to be proactive and act-out the love you profess.

1 John 3:18 explains, "Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth." How can you practically show your spouse this kind of love?

Maybe you grew up in a home with parents who did not provide a good model of true love. Or maybe over time you have become overly-influenced by our culture's superficial definition of love. Or maybe you are just human-imperfect and needing a little extra help in the demonstrative love department!

It's okay. You are not alone. We can all use encouragement and direction when it comes to displaying genuine love to others. Below are a few tips to get you going as you strive to love others the way God has called you to do, specifically when it comes to your spouse or significant other:
1. Surround yourself with examples of real love. If you are immersed neck-deep in the idea of Hollywood love and hang out with people who are careless about love and intimacy, it is going to be difficult to grasp the truth-the meaning of love as described in the Bible. It makes sense to encourage and promote a healthy and truth-based view of love by spending time in God's word, being with other believers and talking with God about your needs, desires and expectations when it comes to love relationships.
2. Love is a choice, not an emotion. You may not always feel like showing love to the other person. In fact, there will be days when you have trouble being nice to your spouse. Love doesn't always come easy, because we are human and broken, but our higher calling is to rise above our flesh and natural tendencies; part of doing that is to live in love, even when we don't feel like it.
3. Acting out true love means putting our own selfish desires aside to serve and love the other person. 1 John 3:16 explains it like this: "This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we are to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters." If one of our goals as Christians is to be more like Jesus, then this scripture clearly dictates how we are to love others-selflessly.

Staying connected to God, your power source, is going to help you to have a deeper understanding of love and how to express it effectively to others. Below are some other resources that can guide you on your journey in developing a meaningful, intimate relationship based on biblical love.

• Sacred Marriage by Gary L. Thomas
• The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate by Gary Chapman
• Marriage 101: Building a Life Together by Faith by Jewell R.
• www.marriagepartnership.com - a website of Christianity Today that discusses love, marriage and intimacy.
  www.marriage101.us - a Christian website that provides marriage information for couples at any stage

by Jewell R. Powell, The Marriage Coach and author of Marriage 101: Building a Life Together by Faith. Visit us at www.marriage101.us