"Success in marriage does not come merely through finding the right mate, but through being the right mate." -- Barnett Brickner

We guarantee that if you are open to change your situation by applying the tips and principles in the Marriage 101 newsletter, you will have a great marriage! Every month, we will discuss challenges that couples are facing every day, from dealing with finances, to in-laws, intimacy issues, and more. A "happily ever after" exists, but it takes, faith, hope, and [unconditional] love.

In His Image

People are waiting for the manifestation of the sons of God (Romans 8:19). They are looking for God in a word, a hug - through you.

I was reading a quote from Jonathan Swift "Too often we have just enough religion to make us hate but not enough to make us love one another." The problem is that we are too focused on denominations and the differences between each one and why one thinks they are better than the other. The sad part is not only does the world not know Him but we (Christians, Penecostal, Catholics, and every other denomination) don't know Him. If we did, we wouldn't judge, criticized or condemned others for their belief. If all denominations would focus on LOVE, this world would be a better place. Christianity is not a religion, it is not a title. It is a reflective image of Christ in the world. God created us in His image and likeness; therefore, as He is in this world so are we. God is love. Therefore, where love is, God is. Are you seeking to do great things for God? If yes, love people - all people.

"Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy, beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering; forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye. And above all these things put on charity, which is the bond of perfectness"(Col 3:12-14). How can I love as God wants me to? Start with loving your enemies and those who lie and talk about you. Start with forgiving someone who has offended you. Starting at those places will you start to perfect the love of God in your life. True love, agape love, is done in deed not with words.

Dear Lord, perfect the love of God in my life. Show me how to love the unlovable, how to forgive the unforgivable. Dwell in my heart that I may be rooted and grounded in love. That I may be able to comprehend with all your people what is the breadth, and length, and depth, and height of your love. And to know the love of Christ, which passes all knowledge, that I may be filled with all the fullness of You. (my paraphrase of Ephesians 3:17-19)

� 2008 by Jewell R. Powell, www.marriage101.us>www.marriage101.us

Loving Your Lover

The most basic definition of 'lover' is 'one who loves'. So many times a marriage stops being a matter of loving one another and becomes a point where they see who can get their needs met. When we first come together, we want to show the other person how much we care. At that point in the relationship we are so appreciative to have the person in our lives that we are more willing to give of ourselves and try to prove that we are worthy of their love and attention. However, that state of euphoria cannot last forever. Eventually life happens and it seems as if love becomes a chore instead of a blessing.

Many of us learn throughout our lives to look out for ourselves. After being in hurtful relationships or watching our parents or friends struggle in harmful relationships, we may have a guard up. Instead of saying, 'What can I do for my spouse?' we may say 'What can I get from my spouse?' This type of a relationship will never be rewarding because it will create a constant struggle between the couple. Instead of giving freely, all positive things must be coerced or manipulated out of the partner. This is a formula for disaster.

However, in the book of John we are commanded to love one another as Jesus loves and to put our own lives (desires, needs, demands) aside. "This is My commandment, that you love one another, just as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends." John 15:12-13.

If partners in marriage decide to approach each other with true love, the results can be amazing. It may take practice and time, but it can be done. For example, if you are working on something very important and your spouse asks you to do something for them, do not get upset. Make a decision that if I put someone else's needs before mine, God will reward me. That is how we can lay down our lives. Moreover, your spouse may be going through a tough time. Go out of your way to be supportive not just in word but in deed as well. Forget watching your favorite show and sit down and talk with them about their problem. Take them on an overnight trip to get away. When you make a decision to honor someone by laying aside your desires and plans, you have experienced the type of love that Jesus did for you and me.

When in doubt, think about the attitude Jesus would have about your spouse. Better yet, go to prayer and ask Him to help you view your spouse in a positive light and love them better every day. Pray for healing to overcome past hurts and habits. The next time you look at your spouse, take their hand, or talk to them; think about the Lord Jesus standing by your side and think about how He sees your spouse. His love is overwhelming and He can teach you to love the way He loves.

� 2008 by Jewell R. Powell, www.marriage101.us>www.marriage101.us

Have a wonderful Valentine's Day! The challenge for the month of February is to express love every day for the remainder of the month. You do not need to let your spouse know what you are doing. If you need some help, go to the Marriage 101 website and I will have some ideas under "Marriage 101 Articles" February 2008. Remember, your marriage is what you make it.

In His Service,

Jewell R. Powell
Author & Marriage Coach
Marriage 101 & the Marriage 101 Workbook www.marriage101.us>www.marriage101.us

by Jewell R. Powell, The Marriage Coach and author of Marriage 101: Building a Life Together by Faith. Visit us at www.marriage101.us