"A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person." Mignon McLaughlin



The Marriage 101 newsletter delivers practical information showing you how to have a happy, successful, and fulfilling marriage - Right Now!
We guarantee that if you are open to change your situation by applying the tips and principles in the Marriage 101 newsletter, you will have a great marriage! Every month, we will discuss challenges that couples are facing every day, from dealing with finances, to in-laws, intimacy issues, and more. A "happily ever after" exists, but it takes, faith, hope, and [unconditional] love.


You Can't Just Have One

Prayer is an important ingredient
That a marriage surely needs
When two hearts get on one accord
God is able to touch and to lead

A wife needs to pray for her husband
And a husband needs to pray for his wife
The two also need to pray together
To remove all bitterness and strife

You have to forgive one another
When wrongs have been done
Prayer and forgiveness go together
You can't just have one

If you want to get on one accord
Walk hand in hand and side by side
Like a flower needs rain and sun
Prayer and forgiveness must be applied

� Copyright Patricia Bankhead


Remembering 911

In July, my husband and I attended an international marriage conference in Orlando. I must say, when we first got there, we thought it was an AARP (Association for the Advancement of Retired Persons) event. Everyone we saw was over the age of 50.

The overwhelming attendance of older couples was staggering. I wondered if I were missing something. Okay, yes, we met people like us-African American couples in their early forties-but it was a drop in the bucket. Why were there so many older couples? Hadn't they gotten marriage down by now? Haven't they gotten past all the struggles marriage face? Shouldn't they be coasting into "Happily Ever After" at this point?

Trust me, I am not making fun of them. I think they were reminding me that marriage is a continuing journey and you never reach a point that you don't need to seek help or continue to grow. It was wonderful to see them as much in love with one another as Lewis and I are. Throughout the conference, they were taking notes, asking questions, holding hands, and truly enjoying themselves. The majority of them told me that they attend monthly marriage enrichment groups.

Why were there so few couples under the age of 50? Are young couples so much wiser than older couples and know how to have great marriages? Absolutely not!

On September 11, this nation will be facing another anniversary of the terrorist attack on the United States. This attack on the Twin Towers and the Pentagon was a one-time event, and yet, six years later we are still fighting to defend our country, to get us back to a level of security, and to live in a world full of peace. Ironically, while we fight this visible and tangible enemy, we are blinded to the fact that marriages have and will always be under attack by another enemy-a spiritual enemy. There is a force that is trying to steal marriages, making us feel there is no hope; kill the intimacy, love, and commitment a couple had at the beginning of their union; and destroy marriages, ending them in divorce ("The enemy comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full," John 10:10).

How do we fight and counterattack his attempts? We arm ourselves with knowledge. This means attending marriage conferences and marriage enrichment groups, reading marriage books/magazines, and using other marriage resources.

Whether you are just starting your journey or whether you've been on it for some time, it is always wise to seek knowledge. Some of those couples at the conference have been married for more than 30 years. Maybe their success is due to investment they have made in time and in gaining knowledge in how to have a great marriage.

Words from the wise: Continue to seek wisdom and knowledge.


7 Steps to Financial Freedom


What is financial freedom? More than just a dollar amount on your paycheck, financial freedom is a state of mind. It's the comfort of knowing you're debt-free. Getting started with eliminating debt is easier than you think. If you follow these seven simple steps, you'll be on your way.

1. Change the way you look at money - renew your mind!

We tend to think of money as the enemy, a scapegoat for all of our financial woes. Learn to look at money as a means to living comfortably, not the cause of your struggles. Ultimately, we are the ones who decide where our money goes. It's not like dollar bills sprout legs and go buy a new TV, right? Money discussions can be uncomfortable for many married couples, but talking is an important first step. A good book on this is "Secrets of the Millionaire Mind" by T. Harv Eker.

2. Get out of debt - owe no man anything!

Living with debt is more than a financial drain and mounting interest. It's also constant worrying over whether you can pay your bills. Here's the most effective (and simple) way to tackle your debt:

Start by paying off the credit card with highest interest rate. Set some specific goals here. How much extra can you pay each month? Always make more than the minimum payment. Once that card has been paid off, start working on the bill with the next highest interest. Throughout this process, you should be paying the minimum on all of the credit card bills you have. Check out this free e-course on getting out of debt
3>(http://www.youneedabudget.com/index.php#order).

3. Don't create any more debt - be a wise steward!

Now that you credit card balance is down to zero, you want to keep it that way. To remain debt-free, all you have to do is spend less than you take in. Easier said than done? Maybe. This is another opportunity to have a good heart-to-heart talk with your spouse about both of your spending habits.

Some people recommend cutting up all your credit cards. However, keeping one credit card as a safety net in case of emergency is perfectly fine. Keep only one card, take it out of your wallet, and put it some place less accessible - such as your family's fire safe. The time it takes to get out the card will serve as a "cooling off" period.

4. Create a budget - count the cost!

Budget can be an unpleasant word - like 'diet'. But don't think of it as depriving yourselves - think of it as investing in yourselves. Which sounds better: one dinner at your favorite steak house or going to be every night knowing you're debt-free? Think of your budget as an opportunity to cast a vision together as a couple. What's important to both of you? Your spending should reflect your values, what you hold most dear in your heart. Here's a simple software program you can use for creating and keeping your budget together
5>(http://www.youneedabudget.com/index.php#order).

5. See where it goes - make a list and check it twice!

For an entire month, track everything you both spend money on - down to the last penny. Evaluate whether you are prone to making impulse purchases. Also, look at whether advance planning will help. For instance, plan your meals at least a week in advance. Multiple trips to the grocery store mean multiple opportunities for impulse purchases.

6. Start saving - plan for the future!

Build yourselves a nice cushion of cash. After you've lowered your debt and begun living on a budget, you should money to put into a savings account each month. When an emergency arises, you'll have cash to cover the expenses - no need to borrow money or use a credit card.

Seek wise counsel about different kinds of accounts you can use to save money tax-free. For example, you can contribute to a 401(k) and steadily build a nice nest egg - and the difference in your net paycheck is so small you might not even notice it.

You're not limited to stocks, bonds, and savings accounts, either. There are a lot of pretty creative ways to save money that you might not have considered before. Check out www.liveoutloud.com for some great ideas.

7. Get insurance - get yourself into good hands!

If you don't both have enough health insurance, one accident or illness could devastate you financially. Even if you have insurance through work, evaluate whether it's enough to prevent a financial crisis. Consider getting supplemental insurance if you believe you're underinsured. Also, don't overlook disability insurance. Should you find yourself unable to work, debt is guaranteed to mount. You might think extra insurance is too expensive - but you're wrong! For most young adults, life insurance and disability insurance cost less than a dollar a day. You'll never know unless you ask - so call around and start learning about your options.

Small changes add up quickly. Don't let bad money habits wreck your marriage. You've got to both be committed to this goal if you're going to make it happen. Financial freedom is closer than you think. Don't wait a minute longer to achieve your dream - start on these seven steps today!

Marriage Coach vs Marriage Counseling

The term coach has expanded to every part of life: life coach, executive coach, business coach, sales coach, and marriage coach. Is a marriage coach different from a marriage counselor? Absolutely, Yes! Coaches ask the right questions to help an individual come up with their own solution. Whereas counseling provides advice and what they think you should do. A marriage coach does not give advice. You have to decide whether you want to keep your marriage. You have to decide whether you will change your situation. You are ultimately responsible for your choices and your life. A marriage coach encourages, motivates, and provides practical tools and resources to help you with every situation in your marriage. Coaching isn't therapy! It's a way for couples to see a positive, intentional approach to their marriage. They explore their relationship and pay attention to the areas that could use some improvement. The ultimate goal is to grow individually and together as a couple.

Counseling usually deals with a specific issue in the relationship-a problem or a wound that needs to be healed. Counseling is really best for immediate crisis situations. If you or your spouse is having trouble such as a problem with substance abuse, or spousal abuse, counseling is the way to go. If you've experienced infidelity and don't know where to go from here, you can benefit from a professional counselor. If one or both of you is experiencing emotional distress-sadness, depression, anger, guilt, dissatisfaction, resentment-counseling might be a good idea. The counselor can help you sift through the problem and move through it in a healthy way. Counseling is almost always practiced by licensed therapists, and is usually short-term.

What makes a couple interested in coaching? Maybe they feel dissatisfied with the relationship. Maybe it's a lack of direction, unhappiness, or simply a desire to grow closer together. Going through coaching can help married couples clarify their relationship. The coach helps them identify goals, provides perspective, and highlights the importance of accountability and personal responsibility.

If your marriage could use a little boost, and you're ready to shake things up a little and move to the next level, coaching may be a good idea for you. Even though it's not therapy, coaching can be helpful for you as a couple especially if you're going through a rough time. It can help you gain stability and clarify your goals and your relationship in general.

No marriage is perfect, and there's always room to grow. Coaching is great for those who may not be having problems and especially for those who may be having some challenges. We all have the choice to make a decision to change our situation for the better or get out. The easy answer is to separate and divorce. The toughest, yet most rewarding thing, is to overcome our challenges.

Faith plays a big part in coaching. This ministry, Marriage 101, incorporates Christian beliefs and practices. Therefore, make the decision to have a great marriage. You can have a "Happily Ever After" if you live and love by faith.



I hope you've enjoyed my very first newsletter. This ministry was birthed because I thought I was the only one in a messed up marriage. Lewis and I were separated and headed to divorce court. However, when I decided to change me, which ultimately changed my circumstances, Lewis and I reconciled. From that moment, I decided I wanted to help others. Therefore, my goal and only purpose is to help couples have a great marriage.

Sincerely,


Jewell R. Powell
Author & Marriage Coach
Marriage 101 & the Marriage 101 www.marriage101.us
>Workbook
www.marriage101.us

by Jewell R. Powell, The Marriage Coach and author of Marriage 101: Building a Life Together by Faith. Visit us at www.marriage101.us